Indiana Jones on a Budget
By ROGER BARTLETTI saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull a few weeks back. I thought it was neither terrible nor good. It was entertaining in parts, but disappointing in the main, about on par with Last Crusade. The fight on army vehicles moving through the jungle was silly. Why were the Russians driving so fast? There was no plot justification for it; it was just Spielberg trying to make the scene more urgent and exciting. They could have all just stopped driving and taken their time shooting Indy and his friends.
This gave me an idea: if the plot mirrored day-to-day reality, the Russians could simply shoot Harrison Ford point blank from a stationary jeep directly after the opening credits and feed him to ants. The rest of the two-hour screen time would show the ants gradually picking him apart, running off with crumb after crumb, until there was nothing left. That would avoid any cynical speculation from critics about leaving the story open for a sequel, and I wouldn't have to waste two hours of my valuable time.
In fact, the Indiana Jones films might've been made for a fraction of the billions Lucasfilm Ltd. has shelled out in production costs, if only:- Indy had been crushed by the giant rolling ball in Raiders
- Indy's arm had been caught by the descending stone wall in Temple of Doom and he'd died of thirst like that annoying woman in The English Patient
- Elderly Indiana Jones in Crystal Skull had survived the atomic bomb but suffocated inside the refrigerator
- Indiana Jones and that annoying kid had contracted Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease from eating the monkey's brains in Temple of Doom and been involuntarily committed
- Young Indy had been eaten by the lion on the train at the beginning of Last Crusade
This last item also puts paid to the whole series of films, and also renders redundant the several series of Young Indiana Jones.
In fact, Spielberg could do worse than model any future Indiana Jones films on a variation of the plot used in the Hammer Productions' Dracula series with Christopher Lee: at the end of the first movie Dracula is killed and, in seconds, his body turns to dust. In the sequel, a henchman pours this dust into an empty stone casket, pours in human blood, and Dracula is resurrected to become a continual menace until the end of the movie, when he is again turned to dust.
Let's say Raiders of the Lost Ark were to be rewritten to take advantage of this money-saving idea: Harrison Ford is flattened by the boulder, the treasure he was holding is retrieved by Belloq, and his body turns to dust. The next two hours could be taken up with trivial details such as Indy's friends sitting around drinking and bemoaning his absence, Belloq regularly gloating, and following the Germans' endless digging in Egypt looking for the Ark. At the very end of the movie, someone works out how to resurrect Indy from the dust, and he stands up, whip in hand, ready to fight again in the sequel. At the start of Temple of Doom he is promptly killed when the kid drives into a pole, and the cycle repeats.
The benefit of this approach is that each movie is very cheap to produce, since there are no stunts, fights or set-pieces to stage, and the audience is continually coaxed to come back for the sequel, with the promise that the heroics will finally begin. By my estimation, the next sequel could be made for about $10 million dollars, not including promotion.
Indiana Jones on a Budget
By ROGER BARTLETT
I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull a few weeks back. I thought it was neither terrible nor good. It was entertaining in parts, but disappointing in the main, about on par with Last Crusade. The fight on army vehicles moving through the jungle was silly. Why were the Russians driving so fast? There was no plot justification for it; it was just Spielberg trying to make the scene more urgent and exciting. They could have all just stopped driving and taken their time shooting Indy and his friends.
This gave me an idea: if the plot mirrored day-to-day reality, the Russians could simply shoot Harrison Ford point blank from a stationary jeep directly after the opening credits and feed him to ants. The rest of the two-hour screen time would show the ants gradually picking him apart, running off with crumb after crumb, until there was nothing left. That would avoid any cynical speculation from critics about leaving the story open for a sequel, and I wouldn't have to waste two hours of my valuable time.
In fact, the Indiana Jones films might've been made for a fraction of the billions Lucasfilm Ltd. has shelled out in production costs, if only:
This last item also puts paid to the whole series of films, and also renders redundant the several series of Young Indiana Jones.
In fact, Spielberg could do worse than model any future Indiana Jones films on a variation of the plot used in the Hammer Productions' Dracula series with Christopher Lee: at the end of the first movie Dracula is killed and, in seconds, his body turns to dust. In the sequel, a henchman pours this dust into an empty stone casket, pours in human blood, and Dracula is resurrected to become a continual menace until the end of the movie, when he is again turned to dust.
Let's say Raiders of the Lost Ark were to be rewritten to take advantage of this money-saving idea: Harrison Ford is flattened by the boulder, the treasure he was holding is retrieved by Belloq, and his body turns to dust. The next two hours could be taken up with trivial details such as Indy's friends sitting around drinking and bemoaning his absence, Belloq regularly gloating, and following the Germans' endless digging in Egypt looking for the Ark. At the very end of the movie, someone works out how to resurrect Indy from the dust, and he stands up, whip in hand, ready to fight again in the sequel. At the start of Temple of Doom he is promptly killed when the kid drives into a pole, and the cycle repeats.
The benefit of this approach is that each movie is very cheap to produce, since there are no stunts, fights or set-pieces to stage, and the audience is continually coaxed to come back for the sequel, with the promise that the heroics will finally begin. By my estimation, the next sequel could be made for about $10 million dollars, not including promotion.
Bullitt treatment notes (1986)
The following fascinating exchange discussing a line-by-line treatment of Bullitt in 1986 has recently come to light. The remake of the classic Steve McQueen cop film, with Michael Crawford as the eponymous character, was never made. The producers are obviously at pains to ensure the newer film stands apart from other classic movies still then fresh in the minds of cinema goers. The identity of the author of the sarcastic ripostes should be obvious to those in the know:
Music by Lalo Schifrin too similar to Dirty Harry
Crook crosses off too-neatly written list in cab: his handwriting is too neat
- The list was not handwritten, it's a printed checklist from the local tourism authority that all crooks pick up when they arrive in major crime destinations in the US, like San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles, etc. Most crooks will have standard tasks they have to perform when they arrive, like a) ring local criminal contact b) pickup messages at big city hotel front desk etc.
Bullitt's serious partner Sergeant Dalgety wakes him up at his pad after a late night. This is too reminiscent of Cloudy and Popeye in The French Connection
- This reminds me of that scene where Doyle picking up that young woman after simply following her on her bike. After watching the deleted scenes, it's even more unbelievable, because he almost knocks her down with his car, and then frightens and bullies her.
Bullitt's junior partner stands around with his hand down his pants outside Chalmer's house
- It's an astute reference to the soon-to-be-fashionable 1970s openness about sex in movies
Witness left in hotel room alone before cops arrive
- Not credible. It was Chalmers who left him in there, and Bullitt comments on what a poorly chosen location it is, therefore Chalmers is a fool.
Simon Oakland as grizzly, but lovable boss, too much like Kolchak the Night Stalker
Girlfriend character is an artistic designer in San Francisco highly reminscent of Vertigo
Girlfriend character is an artistic designer in San Francisco highly reminscent of Vertigo
- But the character asking Bullitt to read out some numbers shows she is skilled at maths and calculation, which was unknown for female characters in movies at that time.
A chain on a door would supposedly prevent it from being kicked open by Mob assassins
- I can't believe you would doubt this!
Junior partner cop injured and almost leaves a grieving widow: very like Dirty Harry
Emergency services beat Bullitt to the hotel, even though he distinctly said he'd be there 'in five minutes.'
Emergency services beat Bullitt to the hotel, even though he distinctly said he'd be there 'in five minutes.'
- So what? He meant five minutes in screen time, which it definitely was! Deleted scenes include alternative versions where he says 'I'll see you in the next scene' and 'I'll see you at the hotel lobby set' but they were deemed too challenging for audiences of the time.
No first aid for seriously injured cop in back of ambulance
- What do you expect? They were actors pretending to be medics. Do you expect actors to start cutting open the chest of a gunshot victim and removing the bullet? I can't believe how naive you are!
Nurse's smock not neatly ironed in operating theatre
- This was deliberate, to symbolise the unrest in American society about the progress of the Vietnam War.
Chalmers makes a request to a nurse that Dr Willard 'be replaced.' As we know, nurses don't manage staffing in hospitals
- How naive! You really have trouble separating fiction from reality, don't you? There's no such person as Chalmers, he's just a character played by Robert Vaughn, the actor. And she wasn't a nurse, she was the Casting Director dressed up as a nurse, so it makes perfect sense.
Geriatric assassin runs like Steve Austin and escapes through tiny ceiling-high window
- The character's name, according to the soundtrack CD, is Ice-Pick Mike, confirmed by the weapon he brandished earlier in the scene. He is small, so he can fit through tiny windows, and he has obviously used the ice-pick to lever himself up into the window.
Doctors fail to use defibrillators in ICU on myocardial infarction
- They're actors, remember? Am I getting through to you?
Bullitt instructs the experienced driver of a hearse with a corpse in the back to go to 'the city morgue.'
- Doesn't Bullitt request an unmarked ambulance in the previous scene? Therefore, the driver is an experienced driver of an ambulance, and I would hope that when a body is put into the back of an ambulance the driver doesn't automatically drive to the morgue everytime.
Shotgun pock marks on hotel wall magically appear after assassination
- It's nothing to do with the shotgun. The police left the windows open to air out the room. The pock marks are evidence of the ensuing wind erosion.
Dalgety and Bullitt play good Cop, bad Cop with concierge. French Connection?
- In the French Connection, Cloudy is not present at Popeye's interview with the concierge.
Armed only with the fact that the witness arrived in a 'Sunshine Cab,' Bullitt manages to track down the cab driver in a city of two million people
- See next response
Assassins inexplicably start tailing cab with Bullitt in it
- They didn't know Bullitt was in there. When they heard that the guy they tried to kill arrived in a Sunshine Cab, they knew which cab company it was, but they didn't know which driver. However, they thought, if they're going to talk to more than five hundred cab drivers, they might as well start with the one who was famous for looking like Boo Radley in To Kill a Mockingbird. Therefore, by pure chance, they were tailing the cab driver for the same reason Bullitt was talking to him, to get Robert Duvall's autograph.
'Wire service scam' too close to The Sting
- What wire service scam? Did we watch the same movie? Isn't it just an early fax machine?
Bullitt instinctively recognises the Dodge Charger as belonging to the assassins, having never seen it or them before
- He had seen the car before, he first saw it while rehearsing the car chase scene.
The streets of San Francisco apparently jammed with identical green Volkswagens
- SF was hosting a convention of Volkswagen owners.
The Dodge loses six hubcaps during the chase
- The deleted scenes include a shot of the assassins slowing down to pick up the hubcaps the first couple of times it happens.
Girlfriend shocked that a homicide detective's work involves murder victims
- Bullitt had only ever told her he was a greeting card salesman, and the trip to the motel together was merely a Customer Service Call. (the dead woman was a relative of a client who purchased one of his bereavement cards.)
What kind of name is 'Bullitt'?
- He came from a famous Kentucky farming family. He also had some cousins who joined the police department and changed their names appropriately eg Cannon, Ironside
Bullitt and Dalgety compromise evidence by rifling luggage without gloves, despite being aware of the importance of fingerprints
- They're experienced detectives. They could tell at a glance that there were no fingerprints on anything in the suitcases. But if you want to talk about being careless with evidence, let's look at what Doyle and Cloudy did with the drug filled car in FC.
The departure board of San Francisco International, a major airport serving two million people, lists only six flights
- All the other flights were not listed because they were not open to the general public. They were restricted to the Volkswagen conventioneers heading home.
Bullitt, despite having an entire airport apron on which to chase villain, is almost crushed by a 707. Chase on runway and apron far too close to Heat by Michael Mann
- The grass was too muddy
